closer the door

we are taught to keep doors, our options, open. for good reason too. being open to what can happen is a beautiful thing. life can come in and surprise you with something you didn't know was coming. and if that door had been closed, it would have never reached you.

but i've been thinking about how not all doors are like that.

sometimes doors are slammed shut in our faces. our noses maybe even felt the door as it whipped closed. and it is frustrating and sad and enraging when that happens. maybe the door should have been kept open, maybe it was meant to close, maybe it was slammed because of things outside of your control, maybe it was a mistake--it doesn't matter as the door was slammed anyway.

sometimes there are doors left open and it allows all kinds of critters to come in. and before you know it you are like a friend of mine and trying to get a opossum out of your apartment, out of your life.

no offense to opossums.

and i've been thinking about how some doors you have to shut yourself. you can stand at the door, watch that job, that dream, that person, that whatever drive off down the road, but then you sometimes have to come back into the house and close the door behind you. and deadbolt it.

maybe even move a piece of heavy furniture in front of it.

because sometimes you have to let opportunities pass you by. sometimes you have to let the phone call go to voicemail. sometimes you have to say no even though you want to say yes. sometimes you have to swipe left.

because sometimes closing one door leads to you realizing there is another door behind you. one you hadn't noticed because you were so fucking focused on the first. and sometimes there are no other doors...you are just alone, inside, staring at the only door that you've now deadbolted, waiting for the season to change or the doorbell to ring so you can open it up again. and sometimes you have to go and build a new door by making a hole in the wall. and sometimes you close the door because you have some hot person in your bedroom and, well, um, you don't want anyone interrupting so that door better stay shut for a long, long time.

basically, doors can sometimes be opportunities and sometimes they can be protection and sometimes they can be walked through freely and sometimes they are doggy doors and sometimes they are just there.

and it can be a good thing when you realize that closing a door can be good and knowing that it can be opened again can also be good and knowing there are different doors is even better. sometimes.