lately, music has been ringing in my ears.
after a few weeks of avoiding music at all costs, it seems my brain has gone into revolt. it screams for beat and bass, for voices and lyrics. some music is still off limits. my beloved nina simone is usually only listened to by mistake...when the playlist switches to her. that is sad, but i understand. she touches a nerve i'm not quite ready for...or maybe she just isn't needed right now. maybe that is not what i need.
it seems what i need is music that makes me want to dance. music that has me blasting music in my apartment and singing along as i write plays. music that makes me close my eyes on subways and just listen. music that makes me sing along as i walk down the street. music that has me dancing in place on the platform. music that has me imagining myself dressed up in some tight black dress that fits perfectly and amazing shoes that don't hurt my feet. music that has me wanting, needing to dance even if it is alone in my living room.
the woman inside of me is a dancer. the one that goes out and dances until the early hours of the morning. she is hid up inside me. she doesn't get out that much. in some ways she is like a private dancer, but like...not like this song...well maybe...who knows who she really is. honestly, i think i keep her in there...there is something about her that is lovely and scary and mysterious and probably links to some ultimate truth about myself that i am scared to touch. who knows.
she is there though. and i can see in the aftermath of everything these last few months and in the changes that will certainly continue to come that she is only getting stronger.
which i'm excited about.
so let's go dancing?
...like i've been in my apartment working all day and it is dark and rainy and dancing would be lovely...okay?