i think i've been feeling weird about you these last few months.
maybe it is because i've heard over and over again from professors that my analytical mind is getting in the way of my creative mind. maybe because people have told me that i have not been letting you out as fully as i should be. maybe because some have said that, perhaps if i had relied on you a little less, i wouldn't be struggling as i am now.
i've been frustrated, imagination.
sometimes i wonder how big you are, imagination. sometimes i worry that you are not as big as my fellow writers and dreamers. that somehow you are dwarfed.
maybe you are just quieter.
maybe that's because i've tried to make you quieter.
or maybe you are huge and expansive and you are so vivid that sometimes i can't tell its you at work, imagination. sometimes i mistake you for memory or reality instead of who you truly are.
as a pisces, i daydream. i daydream a lot. imagination, you create beautifully elaborate scenes. imagination, the life you see for me is amazing. imagination, sometimes i get mad at you because you are just images in my mind and cannot miraculously come alive.
imagination, you are all visuals. i see you before i hear you.
some say that means i should write for the screen and not for the stage.
as if one must imagine one way for one form.
lately, personally, i've tried to nail down the facts. i've tried to not imagine. i've tried to live here in boring reality because living in my head, living with you, has caused me trouble.
there has got to be balance somewhere right, imagination? there has got to be a way i can dream and create worlds in my head as i walk down the street while also recognizing the real world in front of me...yes?
the thing is, i need you. imagination, i can't do the work i want to do without you. i can't be the person i want to be without you. sometimes it feels like you are walking away or hiding.
you are my survival, imagination. you are what keeps me going. if i can't imagine what life may look like, i'm not sure i can justify doing the things i'm doing now.
believe me, i would not be sitting here, reading play after play, if i couldn't imagine one day putting all this knowledge to good use. i'd much prefer to nap...but it is you that keeps me reading.
this is a bit jumbled, imagination, because you and i are jumbled right now. we have moments, like a few weeks ago, when we worked together so seamlessly to write a new play. that was amazing, imagination. i look forward to feeling that in tune with you again.
because there was no separation there. no lines. no divisions. no reality vs. dreams.