i fucking love you.
let's start there.
from the time i was little, laughter, you have been my savior. you have made some pretty abysmal situations seem funny. you have made some very low moments feel not as heavy.
in grad school, we talk about comedy and defining comedy. i'd prefer to not do that here, but i remember a lot of us talking about how some of the terrible things in our lives feel funny in the end. or how even in our darkest writing, we long for just a bit of levity. an inappropriate laugh that is needed.
of course, you have a downside. of course, you are used against people. we laugh at others to make up for the fact that we want to be laughing at ourselves. sometimes that laughter is okay, is welcomed. sometimes it isn't. but, as with anything really good, sometimes you can be bad and i just felt like we should acknowledge that.
but laughter, i have felt like you've been lingering in my life, in the corners, waiting to be needed lately and i so appreciate it.
i am thinking of all the laughter i've had in my life these last few months especially. all the laughter with old friends at weddings and all the laughter with new friends in my apartment over wine. all the laughter with my family. all the laughter between me and my dog.
i've appreciated tweets and facebook posts and blogs and podcasts that make me laugh. when you no longer have a partner and you are spending much of your time by yourself, you look for connection in other places and social media has provided a lot of laughter. i often want to cut back on my social media time, but i think i'd miss my daily dose of crazy.
i want you, laughter, to fill my days. i want a life that makes me smile and laugh.
i don't want a life of fake laughter.
i'm tired of laughing at things that aren't funny.
i want the real shit, laughter. that not pretty, but oh so beautiful laughter. you know what i mean...
i love the days i tell people to stop making me laugh because it is hurting my abs.
i want my life to be like that.
so stick around, laughter. don't go too far.
i need you.
(this is day twenty-eight of april love)