i like you the most on sunny days. when the sun comes in through the window and warms my bed and i awake already knowing today is a new day. the gray, dark days are harder to discern. on those mornings it is harder to tell if the night has really slipped away.
when i am scared and can't sleep, i wait for the morning light. i wait for a sign that the sun will rise, has risen, and then i can close my eyes. it doesn't matter if i am afraid of ghosts or the unknown hotel room or the beat of my own heart...the light of day gets me to sleep.
i used to tell myself to cherish the mornings, to cherish the mornings i got to wake up between my pup and the man i loved. i told myself to cherish them because i knew they wouldn't last. i knew the joy i got from those mornings was only mine. and now i cherish the pup, curled up next to me, trying make the bed feel how it once felt. i hope the pup feels my gratitude. i try to give him morning belly rubs to show it.
i cherish giving those belly rubs as the light flows in.
mornings are sometimes the easiest. sometimes they are the hardest. i'm usually the most stressed out in the morning, the most sad, the most 'what the hell is going on in life', the most 'give up while you still can'. but if i can get up and out, walk the dog, go for a run, notice how the plant has grown, then i can survive that wave.
i love a warm drink in the morning. i love finishing a half marathon before 11am. i love doing laundry, reading a book, making that phone call i need to make before noon. i love breakfast and watching the sunrise. i love the quiet of the streets just as day breaks.
i love how the morning says to me, you can try again.
you can try again.
(this is day four of april love)