i am not good at you. i am good with pretending to rest--sitting on the couch, procrastinating--but it is not really resting. my sleep isn't restful. my downtime isn't restful. my days off aren't restful.
there is always something to do. to worry about. to be guilty about. to cry over.
i need to learn how to actually rest.
we all do.
i wish rest and having the time and ability to rest weren't luxuries. i wish it was something our society actually valued for all its citizens.
i wish rest and laziness weren't so close in our minds.
i am falling asleep while writing this. it is 2 in the afternoon. i should nap, but there are things to read and write. i need rest, but i probably won't rest. and somehow that's accepted.
give it a rest, we say.
i need to say it more often. i need to say it to the men who feel the need to explain things to me that i already know. i need to say it to my brain when it is going 100mph. i need to say it to those who ask what's next. i need to say it to my knee that aches. i need to say it to the guilt and anger and sadness.
give it a rest, please.
give me a moment to breathe.
give yourself a moment to breathe.
i wonder where and when i'll finally feel like i'm resting. resting is a part of living too. resting just make us live longer, healthier.
give it a rest with me.
(this is day seven of april love)