numb

i haven't written. i failed at the post a day. i forgot one day and then the next day i just didn't care to get back to it. and so four days have gone by. 

perhaps writing a post about honesty on monday was a sign.

i honestly didn't feel like writing.

i honestly don't feel like writing.

the last two days, perhaps because they have been two days when i wasn't busy with work or family or friends or being away...perhaps because they were spent primarily at home with a to do list staring back at me, i've felt pretty numb.

numb and tired.

exhausted.

and completely unable to do much of anything.

is it the election? is it being overwhelmed? it is burn out? is it laziness?

i don't know, but i have been starting at this computer for hours and have nothing to show for it. this doesn't feel good because i don't know the source. about ten minutes ago i almost started crying because of this numbness...this is usually my indication that something else is going on. some emotional, hormonal, something is happening. since wednesday, i've been trying to make small changes: getting back in an exercise routine post-marathon, eating more fruits and veggies and less sugar, etc. i think thats a sign too. my body knows something needs to change.

it could be my usual pre-holiday anxiety and down-in-the-dumps-ness. 

or maybe i am just truly exhausted for some reason.

i don't know.

how can i fix feeling this way if i don't know the source?

as per usual, there is no helpful conclusion on this post. just sharing how i am feeling right now. just writing so i've done something today. just trying to figure it out.