some things on the mind today:
- i took george to the dog park this morning and he actually ran around. he played with a few pups and then explored all the dead leaves. he sniffed and ran and barked. i am going to try to make sure i take him there once a week. he needs to play with other dogs more often. i need to make new dog park friends. also, it is a nice walk to get to the dog park and i feel like it gets me moving. it is a win-win.
- i broke down and downloaded adele's CD despite this warning from my friend. i haven't cried yet. i consider this a triumph. there is more than one song on the CD that hits way too close to my reality and so i will try to avoid playing the songs at inopportune moments. like when i wake up. or when i go to sleep. or when i am sitting in my apartment during the afternoon. or on holidays. or when journaling. or when i am trying to work out. or when i am trying to sleep. or when i am cooking. or when i am cleaning. or...i listened to it while running from rehearsal to class. that may be the only time it is okay to play it.
- i started sending out a more professional looking life/career update email today. you can sign up to get it too here.
- in the last few days, i've done several things that felt very scary and very uncomfortable. all three things required my honesty. it required me asserting what i needed/wanted and hoping the other person would understand. i have not been good at vocalizing what i need/want. i have not been good at expressing how i honestly feel about something. i have not been good about standing up for my own beliefs and yearnings. this weekend, while tough for a number of reasons, felt like a step in the right direction.
- i wish there was a pill you could take that would make you stop missing certain things and certain people. i'd take the shit out of that pill. (writing that made this song come into my head....and now that we are listening to this song, i am not sure i've ever really listened to the lyrics and am confused by what she is really saying...)
- sometimes the most comforting thing in the world is the thought that one day i am going to look back on a lot of this time and be like, damn, that sucked, but look how much everything worked out okay.
- speaking of the future...the times when i can daydream about the future, about being a successful playwright and having a home i can afford and love and falling in love and having kids and getting a second dog and having a porch and working out regularly and spending time in nature...those daydream times are so lovely. i look forward to feeling like i can daydream all the time.
- sometimes you put on a old t-shirt that reminds you of strong women and it fills you up on a day that you felt less grounded than normal.