i've been thinking about how i like to touch things. i like for my hands to graze over things, ever so lightly. i like to see and to touch. i'm like a baby still discovering the world except i no longer feel the need to put everything in my mouth.
when i am with a friend, i like to feel them. bring my hand to theirs. hug them. pat their arm as i laugh at something they've said. i like to feel as though i could grasp them, take hold of them gently. i like to look at them, see how their faces change as they go from topic to topic. i like to take them in.
when i get scared, i like to touch something grounding. sometimes a thing. sometimes a person. i like to look at something calming. like water or children playing or a lover sleeping close by.
i've been thinking about the things you can't see and you can't touch.
like farts. like the promise that the moon will greet us tonight. like gravity. like commitment. like lift. like ghosts. like tiredness. like passion. like oxygen. like prayers and wishes whispered at dusk. like love. like missing. like the notes of a song that gives you goosebumps.
i've been thinking about different levels of seeing and touching. of microscopes. of how we see the evidence of certain existences but not the things existing themselves. of how some things we accept and others we don't. of the importance of sound and hearing. of connections we cannot not see, but feel, deep in our bellies especially when it gets to the quiet time of night. of the times when not being able to see and touch makes me anxious and the times they don't.
i was asked by a professor to note what i love about my favorite stories. about the books i read that i love. about the poems that i read and love. about the plays. about the words.
i think my favorite stories are ghost stories and love stories and oxygen stories.
my favorite stories (and my favorite people, my favorite songs, my favorite works of art...) are ones that make me forget what i can't see and what i can't touch.
they make me see ghosts. they make me touch love.
they make me breathe and help me trust the breath will keep me alive.