i've been unfollowing people and organizations and blogs on instagram and twitter and bloglovin' and facebook...
i've noticed myself doing it, i should say. i didn't set out to do it.
i was scrolling through my instagram feed and i realized i didn't care to see a person i didn't know doing yoga anymore.
and i didn't care to see this other woman i didn't know's daily outfit.
and i didn't care how this DIY wall hanging was made out of, like, play-doh.
so i hit unfollow.
and i've noticed myself doing it more and more now. unfollowing people and organizations that i used to live for and now...just don't.
i'd say it is about feeling the urge to simplify. something i always say i feel and yet don't necessarily see myself practicing what i preach. i spent some of the summer going through things, simplifying, keeping only the things that "sparked joy". for someone who likes the idea of simplifying, i found it harder than i thought i would.
and in some ways, i am still doing it. just the other day i put on a jumpsuit, wore it most of the day, and then took it off and put it in a pile of things to donate. i just didn't like it anymore. it didn't feel like me anymore. it isn't that big of a deal except that i thought i did like it. that jumpsuit made the cut. it made it into my "clothes that i love and need to keep" pile. until i wore it. until i put it on and went outside and didn't feel like me. it was like hitting unfollow for my wardrobe. except now i am a little afraid of putting anything else on because maybe i made all the wrong choices when i went through my closet.
anyway, i am mentioning this because it feels like it is just proof of further change.
you know how they say all the cells in your body change every seven years or something? maybe i'm just looking down and realizing all the cells are new and their reaction to things isn't the same.
i've been thinking about this more this week, in part because i've had some time away (i've been in upstate new york for an artist's residency) and in part because i've been tracking how i feel i've been changing. how my likes and dislikes have been shifting. how what i want and what i don't want have been revealing themselves to me. overall, i've noticed that i've been yearning for more quiet, less stimulation in general. i've been "unfollowing" over social media but also in my every day. or rather i've been feeling the urge to "unfollow" things in my every day and haven't yet. yet being the keyword.
while upstate this week, i've been walking in the woods and sitting by the lake. i've been wearing two sweaters and new hiking boots and sustaining myself with tea. most of today i've been in my room, coughing because i am fighting a cold, and i've been quiet. when awake, i've been staring out the window, listening to the rain. i've been thinking about how, in some way, i've felt more "me" here than i have the last few weeks as things have gone from the calm of summer to the craziness of fall. not that i think i am meant to spend my days on a farm upstate (well, actually, part of me does believe this), but i do think it points to the things that feel nourishing to me right now, the things i want to be doing and feeling right now.
maybe it is just the introvert in me reclaiming her personhood.
maybe it is just that my days have gotten louder these last few weeks and i miss the quiet lull of the summer.
maybe it is that i am quickly realizing that i am doing way more than i think is actually possible.
maybe it is just me growing up into myself.