today was a good day

today was a good day.

not the most productive. not the most social. not the most cost-effective. not the smartest. not the healthiest. not the most serene. not the most headacheless.

but today was a good day.

a day of good emails and opportunities. a day of text messages. a day of weird dreams. a day of hot toddies at 1am. a day of sleeping in late because fridays are weekends for me. a day of rash decisions. a day of 'i'm just going to stay in tonight and catch up on some tv'.

yesterday in therapy i talked about how i sometimes wonder who i really am. there are so many times i don't actually show anyone how i really feel or express what i really want. there are any number of reasons why i don't but the big one is that i have made a life out of being the one others can depend on, the one who won't get in trouble, the one who will do the right thing.

sometimes, i said to my therapist, i just want to be able to be the one who is the mess, who is doing all the wrong things, who isn't responsible, who gets mad and walks out and fights back, who dances all night long. 

what would happen if you just let yourself be you? she asked.

that was yesterday.

then today was a good day and i got the above tattoo.

i am not sure if these things are related, but they feel like they are.

take that to mean what you will.

(and yes, my tattoo may be referencing this.)