originally posted on my personal facebook page .
The last two mornings I've woken up early. Maybe it is the sunlight, the heat. Maybe it Is because after months of 2am bedtimes, I've been going to bed at 10:30/11 and my body hasn't adjusted. I don't know. But I've been up early
This morning I picked up my phone and did the thing where you go to social media first thing. To see if something happened. Yesterday I didn't. I waited and saw that something happened after my alarm finally went off.
Today I didn't wait.
Something happened again.
I don't have any new words. I have written about sadness and fear and about my body and my skin and about the bodies and skins of those I love. I have written about my future children and my grandparents and the men and women I fear for. I've written about realizing that to some people I will always be less than human.
I don't know if I have any new words
I'm angry. I don't want to wake up to this shit anymore. I don't want to wake up to another name trending.
I also don't want to wake up to another Orlando. Another suicide bombing. Another boat of refugees lost to the sea.
But what I want clearly doesn't matter.
I'm angry about that
How can I write that I'm angry and scared in any other way? How can I write it in a way that those who look away will actually turn back and listen? What words can I use? What characters? What bodies?
Their lives matter. My life matters. Black lives matter.
Those words should not have to be written. Those words should not be criticized. Those words should not be tagged as racist or combative.
But they are. So what words would you like me to use?